1 Role of Mediation and Collaborative Law in the Divorce Process p. 15 --
Virtual Divorce: Has the COVID-19 Pandemic Permanently Changed the Process? p. 17 --
Keeping It Simple: The Uncontested Divorce p. 28 --
Beyond the Basics: The Contested Divorce p. 30 --
Long-Term Effects of a Contested Legal Divorce p. 41 --
Mediation and Collaboration: A Different Way to Divorce p. 41 --
2 What Happens in Mediation? p. 43 --
An Overview of Mediation p. 44 --
Introductory Stage p. 47 --
Information-Gathering Stage p. 53 --
Negotiating Stage p. 61 --
Concluding Stage p. 66 --
Assessing the Cost of Robert and Fran's Mediation p. 69 --
3 What Happens in a Collaborative Divorce? p. 71 --
An Overview of Collaborative Divorce p. 72 --
Introductory Stage p. 77 --
Information-Gathering Stage p. 83 --
Negotiating Stage p. 88 --
Concluding Stage p. 91 --
Assessing the Cost of Cole and Traci's Collaborative Divorce p. 93 --
Traci and Cole's Collaborative Divorce Agreement p. 96 --
4 Deciding to Mediate or Collaborate p. 103 --
Is Mediation or Collaboration Right for You? p. 104 --
It Takes Agreement of Both Spouses p. 117 --
Comparing Mediation and Collaborative Divorce p. 117 --
Making Your Choice Between Mediation and Collaboration p. 124 --
5 Proposing Mediation or Collaboration to Your Spouse p. 127 --
When to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 128 --
Who Should Propose Mediation or Collaboration? p. 135 --
How to Propose Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 137 --
Dos and Don'ts of Proposing Mediation or Collaboration p. 140 --
Sample Letter Proposing Mediation p. 144 --
Sample Letter Proposing Collaborative Divorce p. 146 --
6 Finding a Mediator p. 149 --
Do You Need a Local Mediator? p. 150 --
Finding the Right Mediator p. 151 --
Qualified Mediators: What to Look For p. 153 --
Finding the Right Fit p. 162 --
Who Provides Mediation Services? p. 170 --
Screening and Interviewing Potential Mediators p. 174 --
Interviewing and Selecting a Mediator p. 176 --
7 Finding a Collaborative Attorney p. 177 --
Finding the Right Collaborative Attorney p. 178 --
Qualified Attorneys: What to Look For p. 181 --
Finding the Right Fit p. 187 --
Screening and Interviewing Potential Lawyers p. 193 --
Interviewing and Selecting a Collaborative Lawyer p. 195 --
8 Using Advisers and Doing Legal Research p. 197 --
How and When to Use Advisers in Mediation p. 199 --
Role of Family and Friends in Your Divorce p. 203 --
Financial Adviser p. 219 --
Specialized Advisers p. 224 --
Coordinating Your Advisers p. 227 --
Finding Answers to Legal Questions: Legal Research Online and Off p. 227 --
9 Getting Started on Information Gathering p. 233 --
Step One: Remember Vital Statistics p. 235 --
Step Two: Assess Your Children's Needs p. 235 --
Step Three: Locate and Copy Important Documents p. 241 --
Step Four: Inventory Your Assets and Debts p. 244 --
Step Five: Summarize Your Income and Make a Budget p. 252 --
Step Six: Pause to Reflect p. 257 --
10 Preparing for and Making the Most of the First Session p. 259 --
Mediator Approaches and Styles p. 268 --
Mediator Neutrality and Bias p. 278 --
Confidentiality of the Mediation p. 279 --
Agreement to Mediate p. 280 --
Take Time to Make Notes p. 281 --
11 Evaluating Your Progress in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 289 --
Evaluating the Decision to Mediate p. 290 --
Evaluating the Decision to Use Collaborative Divorce p. 292 --
Monitoring Your Progress in Mediation or Collaboration p. 294 --
12 Communicating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 297 --
What Is Communication? p. 298 --
What Can Go Wrong in Communications? p. 299 --
Tips for Good Communication p. 300 --
Tips for Communicating About Problems p. 305 --
Handling Strong Emotions in Communication p. 308 --
13 Negotiating in Mediation or Collaborative Divorce p. 317 --
We Negotiate All the Time p. 319 --
What Makes for a Successful Negotiation? p. 320 --
Prepare for the Negotiation p. 342 --
Negotiate Clearly, Firmly, and Respectfully p. 352 --
14 Court-Sponsored Mediation p. 355 --
Types of Court-Sponsored Mediation Programs p. 358 --
How Court-Sponsored Mediation Works p. 359 --
Voluntary Mediation: To Try or Not? p. 361 --
Mandatory Mediation: Opting Out p. 363 --
If You Can't Opt Out of Mandatory Mediation p. 365 --
Preparing for Court-Sponsored Mediation p. 366 --
Attending the Mediation Session p. 369 --
After the Mediation Session p. 373 --
15 Encountering Difficulties in Mediation and Collaboration p. 375 --
Four-Step Approach to Dealing With Difficulties p. 377 --
Discrepancies Between This Book and Your Experience p. 379 --
Delays and Disconnects p. 379 --
Tantrums and Other "Bad" Behavior p. 382 --
Extreme Discomfort in Mediation p. 383 --
Impasse: Negotiation Hits a Brick Wall p. 385 --
Last-Minute Changes and Demands p. 389 --
Dealing With Persistent Problems p. 390 --
Leaving Mediation Without Burning Your Bridges p. 392 --
Where There's a Will, There's a Way p. 393 --
16 Writing Up the Divorce Agreement p. 395 --
Interim or Temporary Agreements p. 397 --
Partial Agreements p. 397 --
Why Put Interim and Partial Agreements in Writing? p. 398 --
Writing Up the Final Settlement and Finalizing Your Divorce p. 400 --
17 Women and Men in Mediation and Collaborative Divorce p. 407 --
Gender and Mandatory Mediation p. 410 --
Gender and Voluntary Mediation p. 411 --
Common Gender-Related Obstacles p. 411 --
18 Unmarried Couples in Mediation and Collaboration p. 419 --
Untying the Nonmarital Knot: Opportunities and Pitfalls p. 422 --
Successful Mediation or Collaborative Separation p. 426 --
19 Mediation and Collaboration After Divorce p. 431 --
Dealing With Changes in the Divorce Agreement p. 432 --
If You Decide to Mediate p. 433 --
If You Decide to Collaborate p. 435 --
Mediating New Relationship Issues p. 436.
